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Out to Pasture

This am I babysat last minute, had a blast, having a blast. Dana's grandchildren and Liam, the taller boy in the photo behind the title up top.

All would be well except my dog has FLEAS
NEVER ever in her 8 years has this happened.

I cant fog the room with kids here. And yes she slept at the foot of my bed. Fleas seem to really like white flannel sheets. After paying my rent and car, I have not enough for a can of flea powder. I am finding this aspect of my life particularly frustrating.....

Met friends in Bicentennial Square to hear a local band and not expecting much I will say they
Far better than what we hung around for later, the Stompers, a few of the guys from Foghat. Doubt you ever heard of them. They played their asses off, I appreciate any live music, it just was not my favorite period. One song, sweet thing, had not been played live in 20 years and that was GREAT a little R and B rhythms and and bit of percussion great lyrics and it grooved. Went for a walk after that, found records for .25 cents a PIECE. Here comes me and my inner dork... ready? The music I once played and studied until I found my instrument rototiller in the garden by the flea carrier..
Academi of Ancient music records in perfect condition from the radio station! SCORE
No one I knew in performances as they were pre 1975, I started at ARS's Amherst College summer fest in 79, yes my life certainly peaked at the age of 8.
No Julianne Baird or Ruth Cunningham ( later of the Anonymous Four) or Paul Leenhouts or etc...just ( see pics)

Got some adorable Henna for tattoos from the girls at the Indian food stand... FUN for Maggie and Cassie.

There has to be a resentment in here somewhere... Oh YEEAAAAH shortly after leaving Colby announces he has left his sneakers at my place. I said, " No prob it happens, we can go back."
DANA who is driving says NO he can survive. OK ... you complete and total Ahole.
SO I am next to blame for distracting Dana, who reminded Colby to grab his shoes as he got in his car seat.... Actually what REALLY happened is Dana took OVER the flea situation while we were getting ready to leave, when I had a perfect remedy of splitting my last fogger 3 yrs old though effective between my bedroom and living room ( the apt in entirety) He let it off in MY room rushed us ALL outta here as HE was not wanting to WASTE away in my apt (I granted its molding and tight). NO changing of clothes or shower for Becca. fine
HOWever, I was the one home, last minute I was home with HIS gkids alone all day no car, (just need to go get it from garage with YAY inspections sticker ON legally driving) but.. guess that's here NOR there. Of course being reminded we have no spending $ , I said WTF are we doing? No stroller or cash what a freakin BALL for the kids.
Well of course the BITCH BOY is back. I am
SO 'NOT going to the argument'
( hyperlink above if curious about what THAT means

and NOT doing that in front of the kids Haleigh being 15 months old but possessing a keen and watchful eye. And lately witnessed enough multi generational ACOA crap to witness and experience. ( hyperlinks in read if interested in what THAT means)
Whom we kept longer so mom my with her new breast augmentation could a mani- pedi.
Yes oh yes and boundaries galore, NO I will not cook at my place in between bands for sponsee and child as I spent my last 15 bucks last wkwend, I went without butts and Coffee she gave me 2 cigs prior to leaving, thank you that's cool. She was busy one afternoon, could not help me with a ride., not get me to work one day and I have hmm never asked her for a ride in the 15 years I have known her, but have provided child care rides and bday party $$$$ stuff and car repairs by Dana, and ER propane jimmying by Dana etc, I am SO SPENT. Did I really see her going to the beach from my Dads molded rotted truck en route to work? Seriosuly. I placed his seatbelt across my blouse and had a stripe much like a girl scout banner in size, BLACK MOLD across my work outfit. UGH so I was confused when I saw her car turning in to Hannah Dustin. Maybe it was another car........And I love her, and just cannot believe she refuses to do the process the many ways I have presented to her and know I need to tell her to move on because she is not growing in THAT way with me as her sponsor. She is full of sooo much beauty, intelligence and goodness, yet continues to suffer with a love that is active.... there is just NO WHERE to go with that.( see my accessible 24/7 online format pages straight from the original PROCESS mtgs in Hyannis) Pdf online allows private editable sharing. C'est VRAI!
Then I feel guilty for feeling frustrated with her.
Back to Colby's BARE feet
En route back to car after hearing AWESOME tunes!


Poor Colby steps barefoot on a steaming round grate on the sidewalk and balls like I have never seen him cry, not even when he fell down Dana's stairs and had a EGG on his forehead for week at 2. I am able to comfort this child. ( HUGE plug for the 12 steps of recovery HERE) even though I am scared and then his sister is quite confused by this, and peers back at him with eyebrows frowning, and starts to cry. Adorable and this absolutely cracked me UP. He did not have 3rd degree burns and we did not have to race to hospital which was my ( plug in for PTSD) imagination's predicating.

K so if you are working with me ( in recovery) I insist on reading everything on this site while or prior to writing out your 4rth step and making lists. Sometimes the lists are full of so much guilt and shame we are unable to filter out what our actual character 'challenges' are.
Joy 2 ME U click
taken form this page:
We went to their apt to rest and Dana taught his daughter how to prepare baked haddock and the kids bathed and Colby and I played Nintendo DS which has a little slot game of pictures you try to hit three of a kind.. Right up my OCD alley! A BALL!
Typical day I guess I am still learning what is is like to be in a family. That being said we can always review the old reliables at this site: As in patterns and habits of utter destructiveness

" I have 10 things on my "to do list" today, I get 9 of them done, the disease does not want me to give myself credit for what I have done but instead beats me up for the one I didn't get done. Whenever life gets too good we get uncomfortable and the disease jumps right in with fear and shame messages. The critical parent voice keeps us from relaxing and enjoying life, and from loving our self.
We need to own that we have the power to choose where to focus our mind. We can consciously start viewing ourselves from the "witness" perspective. It is time to fire the judge - our critical parent - and choose to replace that judge with our Higher Self, who is a loving parent. We can then intervene in our own process to protect ourselves from the perpetrator within - the critical parent/disease voice.
(It is almost impossible to go from critical parent to compassionate loving parent in one step - so the first step often is to try to observe ourselves from a neutral position or a "scientific observer" perspective.)
This is what enlightenment and consciousness raising are all about. Owning our power to be a co-creator of our lives by changing our relationship with ourselves. We can change the way we think. We can change the way we respond to our own emotions. We need to detach from our wounded self in order to allow our Spiritual Self to guide us. We are Unconditionally Loved. The Spirit does not speak to us from judgment and shame"

I wish that human beings had the sense to obtain a little awareness prior to reproducing oh well

F-mart, after the annual downtown "Bargain" Days. Flea and Tick Powder?
Check Shampoo? Check Birth Control? Check THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN THE SAME AISLE.


  1. hi i am new here...if you have time please feel free to visit and follow my blogs...thanks..
    i am following yours too...


  2. absolutely! Thanks for stopping by! I am new to ALL of this