Dancing with Camels

Beats Times Square well NYC sober dances are another universe entirely.
The New Year's Eve dance for our district was the usual oxymoron sober dance and though attendance has been down over the years I am always moved by a speaker who might not have had me at hello but byt the end I am really I mean REALLY listening. Naturally I became distracted by all of kids there I never made it over to thank him. All night long I was grateful for my recovery and prooud of my community for making a SAFE and FUN place for families to go on this holiday. The text I received at work asking if she and COlby could come was a shock and delight. I got to play with Haleigh too while getting ready. Dana cooked everything from scratch and the dj was
different...( Karaoke with a chihuahua) All Night I could not WAIT to see Bob and the kids and was about in tears wehn they finanly arrived. Braids and makeup and even Alyssa another connection thorugh my sister and family who I adore was there. I think that she looks like Drew Barrymore. Colby ran and played with a friend's kids who's first clean and sober New Year's appeared to be a success. That is what makes me happy. Feeling inspired and that I may not be able to handle organized religion but the 12 steps have brought me PEACE and joy in my heart that Iam striving to develop into a true ability to love others.and the Love Love love and my prayers include helping another drunk if I Am caught up in selfishness. I am so blessed to have been present for this, and not so sad about my neice and nephew being in NY that I miss out on a 'whole new freedom and happiness'
I got chewed out by my depressed sponsor who is strugglinf with her i call adult parents of alcoholic stuff. I failed her and everybody in many ways this season. I most work days am so drained by the time I am home and have filled my heater, fed and walked my dog, cooked something and checked on my father am too BEAT to talk. I am normally the forst one with my holiday cards out and the best about calling. I can actually THINK about how I am going to do this tasks and how much I miss her and others hourly while in my cubicle and noone KNOWS this because my actions do not represent the love I have in my heart. OKAY well ...I am all ' constant thought of others' and yet seem to hurt people that deprend on me.
I REALLY need to work on this and ask my higher power/slef/ god/love/dog what have you for some help. SEe this AWESOME lick here regarding spiritual growth and people who worship and poeple who are buddhist or native it is all here:
My favorite spiritual mini book is God is Within You Paramahasa Yogananda.
If I did not have the people in my life like VIctoria I am not sure I Would behere today. I worry about when she dies how I will live. Who will REALLY understand me and who will make me laugh the way she does and who will love books and the Strand in NY like we did together. Who will GET her daughter like she does and I do but be close enough to keep her HONEST.

My life is so EMPTY without being there and being part of their soccer softball chores and even hoemwork. I am just so head over heels for those Carey kids and I just wish I had my car and I wish my boyfriend was not so jealous and threatened by this fact because I NEED them.
And I am soo happy a new DECADE started and I got to be with them, all...
NOw I have a head cold and sore throat and am staying in BED to celebrate January 1st 2010 and perhaps have some lasagne leftovers later if Dana comes by after the meeting.
Does anyone else want to admit to full on depression after watching Dick Clark?
The kids all had a BALL observing me dancing...Apparently I dance like a penguin, and well This is fitting for an auidition on So You Think you Can Dance. To thinkn I once was told I must be a professional deancer after dancelike classes on the Cape. Nope I cannot even get the macarena down...
Latin dance should be in my blood...........
STOP the Delusions of Granduer please!

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