Got a match?

Got a match? 
  Does anyone else  show gratitiude by thoroughly cleaning for a parent? You know when you are alone in their kitchen and you decide to do an exhaustive cleaning after keeping your mouth shut about the filth you cooked in?
I had to repeatedly use boiling water to clean the top of the old Jenn Air grease collector when the  digital clock  error-ed out...F 7,....BEEP BEEP beeeeep  . E 4 after every trying every possible combination of cook time and bake time and clena, broil, etc this sound quickly becomes intolerable.  Mind you this beep was fixed after years  I have now  broken it again, and for good this time... Could not unplug it with the wood cook stove putting out heat... I stuff the stove  because I am chilled to the bone 24 hours a day. And, I have bronchitis. I  do not care that  we are no longer cooking... I am cleaning and I make it warm for ME... Every year I do this and every year he gets aggravated after his post gluttony  nap.
Off to the 250 yr old dirt cellar  to hold the  flashlight for him so we could find the fuse. It worked! Ok no stove sorry Dad... He was actually NOT screaming and stomping? Old age is aging tempering him.  I then I heard something odd.  To  my horror saw  a spring  cascading down the foundation like a zen waterfall... But this from a copper pipe. The kind you see up north where people fill their water bottles with spring water on the side of the road.  DAD??? Where is the water going? It is not flooded?I said, "What the hell is this? He said, " Oh that???It  has been going on for  DAYS."
 He asked me to get the BIG wrench and I did. I held the flashlight and he moaned  'OW my baaack Owwwww my hands" I grabbed the wrench said HOLD this and got cranking....
Old  cartoons were so leak, crank the wrench,  two leaks , try next level up pipe, a FAN shaped leak...  copper pipe tsunami 3 am on my head, this worked for me I guess as I was drenched in lestoil anyway. 

I also shone the light UP straight this time and observed me in the tsunami with the wrench connected to all of the ELECTRICAL wires for my apt and his home... 
Does anyone have any lighter fluid?

OW MY back!
OW MY head!

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