I am copying my comment on the blog and thank Eli for divinely intervening in my impulse to help myself to money I found in the house that I need.. and for ever stealing a Starbucks CD.
Thank you for writing this post because I REALLY NEEDED to read it this morning.
My SO has locked his office, I am sans job, and I found the poker stash.... WOW what a freakin trip down trigger lane this is..
I am going to NOT locate they key..... justify and tear apart bank bags of change and bills as I need gas and cigarettes.
He, was humming his catchy passive aggressive ditty in the shower thihe is not musical OR poetic consisting of some insults in the key of B major as in bitchin b/c he needs to be relieved of the bondage of semen) Seriously?? We are HERE? At MR AA's 17 year Anniversary?
We still do not know how to say 'I feel ( depraved, resentful, etc etc) or worse I want to go upstairs, do you? Is this difficult? Instead I witness tantrum and remain on laptop in front of fireplace and let him stomp himself to bed) And I not only do not care, indulge or go to the argument I wish I had a lesson other than this one today. I wish I could be at home in my apt with heat and running water...and the smoke soot was GONE and my environment was mine to control.
See how this could be a perfect set up for me to go in there and raid those money bags? I mean ten bucks for gas and butts... He would NEVER notice ...
Why it is not in a safe and why I am not privy to the facts is another blog post...
The first day I am out of money in the 6 years I have known him....
and I found a nice guy that does not share.. Entitlement, his FLUID level , my need to be cherished and adored, money (fear doubt insecurity) ........... can anyone tell me what this has to do with one day at a time not using and loving one anther through it all with a HP?
After I wrote that post I wondered if I should even publish it. I felt a lot of shame. I just know I don't want to be a thief anymore. That's not who I'm supposed to be!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it was helpful for you - it's always nice to be part of divine intervention. I hope you were able to get through your day without taking his money, and hope you were able to find some peace. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now!
It was a good day! After all!
ReplyDeleteI took my dog for a long walk and the sun was shining and I was just thinking about other people and how I could be helpful.... And found a gift card I forgot about and got me some cigarettes and some gas....Shoveled and sweat, ended the day at my home group.
It was just the best post EVER for me thank you so much again for keeping it REAL....
I would have taken the money. (sheepish grin)
ReplyDeleteCharmaine THANK YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteI say 'take what you want and leave the rest'