She says she needs some alone time...........
Christmas Eve I left my dog at home for the first time in a YEAR... and, I took a two hour bath...... elsewhere obviously as I have no shower still..
I was overly tired from worrying about my friend in Lenox Hospital, after this bath. I was in no rush to get home. I cannot be hostage to my phone anylonger. It was worse when I had a cell phone too....Now I have no peace at home..
I needed a six hour reprieve from this what I hope is my dear friend's final bottom....She was removed twice from her child's school, now from her son entirely leaving her elderly mother to be the primary caregiver. I have been on 911 phone duty for the last five years and am sick of it. My friend has beeng one for so long, her mother and I developed a bond years ago in the city though I met them both in Western MA, we always went to Straight 12 at 12th St Sat nights and to the Strand afterwards, when she was less frail. She is now responsible for getting her 7 year old grandson to his school on the upper west side from low on Second Avenue ALONE as of the day before Christmas Eve. And I have empathized and tried to help for 10 years..... Her daughter and I were 'best' friends after my relapse when SHE had 10 years and I had nips and stench.... Her mom has been keeping the CPS in NYC at bay for far too long....She lied to her brothers and confided the truth only in me for the last 5 years about her daughter's condition thinking this would help her Grandson.... COME ON!!! She needs to be in meetings. OR if in the turmoil and anger with the disease get to alanon to start. I cannot listen to the darkness anymore, she is sounding suicidal herself yet it is up to her daughter not HER worrying or trotting balance bars and diet soda to yet another 'stabilization center' at Lenox Hopsital detox. She has understandably questioned the existence of a higher power but has used me as a confidant while enabling her daughter and not being honest with the folks at this supposedly wonderful in the eighties Smithers program her daughter has been at. Once the portable urine adn the flask is exposed, a cab driver calls the NYPD b/c she is unresponsive to her 7 year old son, and I am desensitized to this now, it has just been a heartwrenching never ending relapse and I AM praying and meditating for understanding and acceptance that she may not get better... I am struggling with this kind of non parent survival guilt. My chronic inebriation seems so distant a memory sometimes and yet it is never forgoteen, the truth of the real kind of disgusting drunk that I am if I ingest it.... And to today I still feel this kind of 'I am a sneak' feeling about cops...... I mean driving by one with 15 YEARS of sobreity my palms still sweat a little ....
Christmas eve I got home at near midnight, and there is a business card on my door?
The Boscawen cops.... says " Your door was wide open- dog was out. Please call" I was horrified not only is my goodamned door still broken but my dog looks neglected, and it is now NINE DEGREES INSIDE my apartment.... I am NOT exaggerating or kidding... It is now back to 55 in here for the love of GOD....Ginger my 11 year old German Shepherd dog,played it to the nines;-) We have not been physically separated since I lost my job. She is so sick of me she is like licking her paw like a dog would look at their wrist watch
" PLEASE get a gd j o b so I need ALONE TIME!"
Clearly she was reaching OUT leaving this door open, knowing she is NOT supposed to open the door, on the coldest night of the year while we have not actual heating system... Sympathy seeking dog with a recovering mother playing up the cops.... FINE go work for them bitch...voeu don't hav to live here if it's sooooo bad that you were left at home for 6 hours once in the past YEAH... that's riiiieeeght
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