अल्कोहोलिक एंड अग्नोस्टिक

I set my religous preference as OM on my facebook. I am hoping to start a discussion here that may be sensitive to some.

the subject is GOD, 12 step recovery and the agnostic /atheist.
I was baptised Catholic as my mother was Italian/Irish and raised there after in the UU church. See I am safe ...
By the age of 21 I became a dishivled booze hoar , fully sympomatic of the late statges of alcoholism, If you are not an intervention watcher or addict ie: seizure having, bile puking gut wrenching coke snorthing non functionaing, anorexic, post traumatic, add, bipolar ocd (labeled later on in sobreity) lush I entered my first AA meeting. Recovery began by receiving the love, support and reparenting of similarly afflicted individuals. I accepted and was relieved by the disease concept, though the word GOD irked me . Though, being honest, I practiced some suggestions that were to me religious, Calvanist and ritualistic.I did so because I was absolutely unable to stop drinking without help. I was open minded but not a beleiver, the absolute terror I lived in made me compliant. For me to struggle was not sac'religous' and I was told to keep coming back, that it is a spiritual program, not a religious. This felt about as separate as church and state.My understanding of spirituality came from BKS Iyengar's book, and very superficially read along with Paramasa Yogananda. See? I was 'spiritual'! place. My confusion is where I am so comfortble with the god of my understanding, ( love peace, helping others etc) and the rest of the verbage that is down right Christic.
God is is as seperate from recovery the church is seperate from the state, God is all over this country's money. Do we chastise the results becuase of the delivery of the process of transformation?
Is it science at it best? the brain, still so little understood being tricked into submission by words that neurotransmitters car enot if they are felt byt their utterer to be Jesus orYahweh, Ganesh or mother earth?
Or what is it like o be in a 12 step program for 10 years, and remain sober, and actively involved, to sponsor women with and through the 12 steps, and yet not believe in GOD? What a PHONY I am!
I quote much of the book because it was well written, and like most books needed editing.
I have been thinking about this for a long long time. I had vital spiritual experiences, the kinds that are ' deep and effective' to me spiritual equals expanding, heart opening, clarifying and anxiety removing, peace bringing and so remaining living free from said compulsion, addiction, mental abberation, delusions of granduer or worse, apathy. To me, dysthymia is not recovery. ' We are not a glum lot' Help another drunk and you will forget your problems , you selfish self centered sicko. Or bad for my slef esteem let's create an excuse not to work at sobriety. Rings of critical parent and approval and validation seeking... HMMM oh yes well now we address the acoa wounded child segment of recovery. And I cannot even claim her as a dependent, which my inner child IS. No child support either. And don't even bring up No Child Left Behind.

You see, I have recently joined the 21st century by having a laptop. I hope to hear other peoples experiences.

The only meetings I ever the agnostic were in Manhattan that were AA. Im just came back from another visit sometimes I wish I was there still but I know that I would be depressed with out my dog and garden.

Sober and thinking and do not want ot be labeled SICK for beleivng the power of will, thought and choice are actually positive traits for ALCOHOLICS....