Happy Chronic Dependence day

Fourth of July was spent doing yardwork in the most frustrating manner until I gave up and went to do my laundry. I drag out the weedwacker lawnmower in what appears to be open skies. Get started and dark thunderous clouds swoop in and hover, so put everything away. Heavy pain in the ass dragging shit back under barn. As soon as all is under cover skies open up so I decide to try again, including garbage pails where I attempt ot organize more recycling materials, drag pieces of rotted ceiling and molded sheetrock out and into, and upon making a workspace out by the car? Drak thunderous clous and a down pour, the kids you cannot SEE in. DRAG ALL WET ABOVE ITEMS BACK UNDER BARN. you GUESSED IT. New England ...... A freakin perfect beach dat ten minutes later. By the time Sat night came tere was no wat in hell I was going to endure that crap with a mile of parked cars and puking kids, loud teens, stepping on blankets to watch medicore firewowks and get rained on for the 6th time. I also decided Independence Day is the best day EVER to dump your boyfriend. Just sit home, ALONE, and continue cleaning out inside, and the clarity will come....
Just the usual confusion from me... I live alone and he lives alone, he has his own business but can never even float me ten bucks without itemization. He, goes to casino on occassion, and is a decent Hold eM PLAYER. All Acceptable. Even fun at times. However. Never helping me with anything or wait saying you got my prescription for me last month, does not cut it. I HAVE INSURANCE, yup 40 altogether that time only because I had antibiotics.

I am about to lose my car. Have entertained notion of calling all friends, ot better yet... What is a freind quiz on f^&*book and see who donates.... Who's my FRIEND now?
This is usually when I go on my rant about why I should have NEVER left NYC.
EVER Fuck this stupid molded drenched drowning garden. I can't LIVE OFF THE LAND!
There is nothing but poor redneck men here and no public transportation. Women reproduce at puberty and ride welfare further widening the gap between the hanves and have nots, and middle class , no I'm low income now, takes it ____. At leats in the citty there are programs and even Massachusetts has far better programs for people like MASS REhab etc , sober? SOmewhere high up on the DSM III and treating it? Half a brain still? Managed to escape lobotomy form whenceforth you came? Want ot get educated? Go for it! No not in NH ....just get knocked up if you want help. You aborting practical women suffer alone.

Happy Chronic DEPENDENCE day in a backwards state.

Happier note: The next day I reluctantly went to a friends with Dana and got a sense of gratitude with a strong undercurtrent of envy at pool party. GREAT couple, Great people, Great YARD AND FOOD and nothing like that would have happened on E 75th st or at Victoria's , or on a folding chair on the block in Sunnyside. I miss Victoria Coral Dylan Diane Matt D;-) I love Second Avenue and all but hey we can park at the end of the driveway round HEEE-UH

I want a FOOD CARD.
God damnit

EAting disorder please ahve a heart and AWAKEN from your slumber. We cant have Rebecca eating

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