I was JUST kicking M Y A S S for yelling when I EVEN asked in my chat this afternoon with my higher power for a reprieve and did the whole G please save me from my anger and was all aGLOW until I heard his VOICE on the other of the phone and the attempt to do his usual 'turn around' ( manipulate me into being the biotch when he did not show up) and I LOST IT.
HOLLERING AND the resentments that were still smoldering when I thought I had let it gooooooooooooo.
No big deal he got called to speak last minute and called me from a few towns away on break at oh 8:47 pm on Tgiving what pissed me OFF was the confirmation of his arrival AFTERwards which was UNnecessary when he went to his home and retired. Not the issue it is the people pleasing phone call he made when I was a) content and full and b) figured I would NOT see him anyway already! I was NOT mad as this man that I love got me a HEAT source and if it was not for him I would not have been WARM AND full anyway! I would have been full and in my electric blanket per usual....But nooooo I lost it.
I DID call and ( promptly?) within 2 hours apologized for yelling and for the things that I said....
But why didn't he just say soory when I called him back this afternoon anyway??? WHY did I over react? Because I am self centered and afraid today. And I despite these qualities deserve an adult partner who can say what they mean and mean what they say. Period.